Random, Possibly Useless – Page 2

A Bittersweet Moment in #WomensHistoryMonth

Angel Rios made history when she, and another wrestler (Jaslynn Gallegos), became the first girls to place at Colorado’s state wrestling tournament, in fourth and fifth place, respectively. In the handful of articles that I read about the event, that should have been the short summary of a pretty amazing moment, but no, I was treated to this and this instead. A couple of issues I had with both articles:

Her victory is about him.

Both articles suggested quite flagrantly that Rios wouldn’t be up there if Johnston had not have withdrawn. They also make a point of mentioning that he forfeited to her four times in the past, leading readers to wonder, how many of her wins did she earn? No mention is made of her skills, her prowess. It’s not even considered that perhaps she would have beaten him based on her previous performances and past opponents. No, as stated in the Denver Post headline, ‘wrestler made history when he knocked himself out of the state tournament.’

His unwillingness to compete is heroic

Read through the comments in both articles and Johnston is lauded as having a ‘good head on his shoulders,’ and being a ‘gentleman’. I would expect that if someone flat out refused to face a difficult situation head on that would make him cowardly, but because his decision is morally/faith based, we call it something else: honorable. I understand his point about not wanting to ‘treat a girl that way,’ and I also respect his decision to walk away. It’s his choice, but for the sake of this article, I’m going to add a little context: she’s there because she’s good enough, not because someone wanted to make a statement about gender equality. Next, wrestling is not assault. This is a controlled form of combat. There’s a ref, officials, protective gear. This isn’t a bar brawl that spilled into the streets. And finally, a missed opportunity to understand nuance: how would a person fight someone that they wanted to beat, but not harm? Is there a way to learn how to wrestle that he can maintain his dignity and hers? He’ll never learn (and we’ll never know) because he walked away.

No better place to compete

One thing both articles neglected to mention was that the CHSAA (the Colorado High School Activities Association), the governing body which oversees the state’s schools sports, doesn’t offer girls wrestling as a sanctioned sport. Meaning that though it is recognized (as it is offered as a pilot program), without sanctioning, there’s no postseason and tournament wins don’t count toward an official record. So at this stage, it’s not more than a glorified hobby. For Rios to wrestle at a level worthy of her skill, she needed to compete with the boys and not only did she compete, SHE WON!

No Apology Necessary, @KevinHart4real

A metaphorical tale

Imagine a scenario:

You decide to have a barbecue and extend an invitation to everyone on your block; some you know well, others not so much, but if they want to come, great! The more, the merrier. You make calls, send e-vites and even go so far as to make flyers, so that as many as are able will come and have a good time. The date of the barbecue fast approaches. You make all your preparations: Ribs? Check! Burgers? Check! Hot dogs? Check! Sides, condiments, entertainment; you have beyond covered all your bases and spent a pretty penny along the way, but that’s not the point, enjoying yourself is.

The sun rises on your big day and you can’t wait for your guests to arrive and when they do, you greet them warmly and make sure they are well fed. You spot an unknown sour face in the crowd and watch as they make a beeline into your personal space. They shove a plate of food under your neck and demand to know what it is. Confused and unwilling to state the obvious, you reply, ‘what’s it look like?’

‘I can’t eat it’, they snarl back, ‘It could kill me! I’m allergic! I could have gone into anaphylactic shock.’ You take a moment to process; surely they don’t think you went out of your way to serve them something poisonous.

‘I didn’t know it was a problem.’

‘Well, now you do. Throw it out!’

‘Excuse me?’

‘Now you know it’s a problem. You should throw it out.’

‘But I like it and so do my other guests.’

‘Well, I’m a guest too! And since this stuff could kill me, you shouldn’t have it around.’

‘I got a better idea. I’ve got other stuff. Why don’t you try that?’

‘Good point. You have other stuff, so you don’t need this!’

‘This is a barbecue. Why are you surprised that this is here?’

The conversation didn’t even have a chance to go left because it already started there. You watch in a combination of awe and horror as they throw out their plate, others’ and, with the lightning quick reflexes of a professional athlete, grab the serving tray of the offending dish and pile drive it into the grass. It’s bad enough they’re making a scene, but they’ve also made others so uncomfortable that, though they’ve enjoyed the festivities thus far, they’d rather be away from all the noise and aggravation.

‘All of this for one dish’, you think to yourself as they parade around your backyard, unwilling to leave despite the fact that the threat is now completely inedible, covered in grass and mud.

Eight years later, a stranger comes knocking on your door inquiring about the infamous barbecue. You decided some time ago to avoid serving that dish. It makes life easier and you have more than enough to work with, so it was easy to cut from the menu. Irritated, the stranger condemns you for daring to serve a dish that could kill someone and are stunned by your inconsideration and callousness toward the guest. You remind them that years have passed since then and you’ve had numerous barbecues, with little incident. And either way, what does it matter now? You weren’t there.

‘That’s not the point! I could have been.’

You sigh.

The next thing the stranger sees is your closed door.

Author’s note:

Freedom of speech is a complicated right, but it’s a right nevertheless. I’m an advocate of removing myself from situations where the language is not to my liking or in circumstances where I have a relationship with the person, I make a comment/request. I don’t demand from strangers, famous or not, that they keep my sensitivities in my mind when they speak.

Random thought:

Has anyone ever considered that the jokes being called ‘homophobic’ now, weren’t really making fun of his son, but were really making fun of his fear? His out of proportion reaction is what made the joke funny, and in an exaggerated way, points to how ridiculous he was being.

What’s Vexing About What’s Viral: the no-show Birthday Party

Did you hear the story about a little boy named Teddy who threw a pizza party for over two dozen of his closest friends…and no one showed up? Of course you heard about it, it went viral a few weeks back.

There have been a few stories in the past couple of years of planned celebrations going bust, with few or no attendees save for parents and family members. We’d eventually hear about it because an angry tweet spread like wildfire or a heartbreaking blog post got shared ten of thousands of times, but what’s vexing about Teddy’s situation is that it didn’t reach the masses because of personal storytelling, but because his mother, sent a picture of her son sitting alone at table, to a local reporter.

The reporter was professional enough to blur out the child’s face, many other news outlets did not do the same (I presume with parental permission), so when I originally saw the picture, the kid’s face was in full view and I was stunned that his parents would put him on display like that. Why would anyone share such a deflating moment in such a public way? And then I read about the free tickets to sporting events and gifts being offered and well-wishes coming in from people worldwide and I thought…I got my answer.

The other stories of children snubbed on their special days was revealed through personal retellings and magnified in a very organic way; the stories, for whatever reason, touched people and caught on. This story, by virtue of it being shared with a member of the media, reeks of opportunism. And as you can see from the images of the posts above, the truthfulness of the situation was questioned enough that the reporter who originally posted the image had to comment on it, confirming that the family was indeed there, (which is a sleight of hand answer since the picture proves that) but not whether or not there was a party.

The rise in stories about no-show birthday parties also had me wondering, why? Turns out it this might be the effect of ‘all or nothing’ birthday party policies instituted at schools to prevent hurt feelings among young students, but rather than easing exclusionary behavior, the policy proved that hurt feelings are something you simply can’t avoid.

The Key to Successful Marriage

I’m married. Haven’t been for very long, but I’ve realized in that short period of time that happiness or love is one of the worst reasons to marry someone. Don’t get me wrong, my husband provides me with both, but that’s not really why we’re together. If my highest expectation were solely emotional, then our union would be a perpetual roller coaster with every twist and turn dependent upon time, circumstance and my mental health, not an easy foundation to build a life upon.

True compatibility is based on how well we fit the roles in our relationship, not how many hobbies we have in common or our familial or ethnic backgrounds. Marriage fills a need for partnership. For me, that meant someone who was a hard worker, steadfast, creative, good father material, spiritual, honest and a few other things. So when I think about marriage now, versus how I used to, I see it more like a business: I’m looking to pick someone that I can invest with, someone whose skill sets, mission and vision, complement my own. Seeing marriage this way, opened up the dating world for me because my suitor pool wasn’t just filled with candidates who were over 6 ft, with a full head of hair, at least a bachelor’s and making a certain salary.

Now, his looks were the icing, not the cake. Now, it was ok if he was short and not making a whole lot because he was patient, had tremendous respect for me and was amazing with kids; now, it was ok that he wasn’t well educated, but had a great sense of humor, stable career and an empowering vision for himself and his future. Now, marriage could be about the everlasting intangibles instead of the whether or not there’s motion in the ocean.

Where’s God?

Daily News posted this image on their Twitter account today:

NY Daily News

Left me wondering, not where is God when tragedy strikes, but what is it we want God to do when we pray after things like this happen? I don’t mind praying: communication with God is an important part of spiritual growth and relationship, but has it become a cowardly, even cliché alternative to action?

It’s much easier to tell your newly evicted aunt that you’ll pray for a new job than to offer her your pull out couch to sleep on. After all, you don’t have the space (and how long is she really going to stay…). Once we start thinking about the real answer to the prayer (which, without a doubt, would require some discomfort and effort on our part), it’s much easier to just give it to God and ask him to do something…anything.

Some of the greatest things that God has ever done…was through willing people. When tragedy strikes, people ask where was God or why couldn’t God have done something, like a ‘part the Red Sea’type of moment, often forgetting that God used Moses’ hands to do that.

When people suffer, it’s time to put our hands together to work and pray.

When Twitter Goes Wrong

Today marks the 60th anniversary of Rosa Parks’ bravery against segregation. The moment was memorialized all over Twitter with one tweet from the RNC receiving hundreds of retweets. It reads, ‘Today we remember Rosa Parks’ bold stand and her role in ending racism.’ Yeah, that ‘ending racism’ part didn’t go over to well and made the comment the butt of more that a few jokes. I was sure it was fake, so I checked it out and it turns out, it’s real…and two years old. That’s right. One of today’s most tweeted is a goodie, but definitely an oldie. When a sharp eyed reader pointed it out, AJ Plus (a digital media provider from Al Jazeera) made no comment; very slick (and questionable) move for a content provider tied to a news organization, but that’s the power and danger of Twitter: the word gets out faster than anyone can bother to say ‘retract’ and even if there’s a correction, who cares?! Hundreds have already spread the word on their own feeds, in the process, giving the fledgling channel a much needed boost, and a easy target, one more kick.

Imperfect Creatures

I was watching the Bruce Jenner interview with family last week. My cousin was a bit unsettled by the concept that someone could be born into the wrong body. To him, it implies that God had made a mistake and that didn’t sit well with him. I gave his comment great thought, but my initial instinct was to rebut it, but I didn’t know how; it’s pretty sound logic after all. How does God, who is infallible, give a man’s body a woman’s soul? While I understood what my cousin was saying, I still felt great empathy for Jenner who was working on becoming his authentic self (something many of us should strive to do) and who was doing something tremendous by publicly telling his story. So which is it: God screwed up or we’re just screwed up? Or maybe it’s neither. Maybe this is the result of a perfect creator and his imperfect creatures. We have never been perfect, in form or function; If we we’re, we wouldn’t have the afflictions, diseases or physical ailments that we do. We accept physical and mental issues as a part of life and not evidence of God making mistakes, so perhaps someone being born into the wrong body is just further evidence of the imperfect creation process rather than an imperfect God.

We Get It: Police Lives Matter

In the wake of the police protests in NYC and the fatal, senseless shooting of two NYPD officers, I’ve noticed the shift in tone of the media: from hearing a protest described as ‘anti-police’ to news stories that remind us about the risks facing officers (because we didn’t know that law enforcement was a dangerous career), the tide is turning. All of this to detract from genuine concerns about police use of force especially against black men. Support of police and critical analysis of their performance can exist in the same world. The accusations from the PBA that the blood of the aforementioned police officers are on the hands of the mayor (because of DeBlasio’s apparent unwillingness to blindly support police), ignores the fact that people are angry because unarmed black males are being killed by those sworn to protect them and perhaps underscores how wide the chasm is between NYPD and civilians. If you’re seeking to find out government (local, state or federal) issued statistics regarding how many civilians are killed by police, the closest thing you’ll find is this, but if you want to know the names of officers killed in the line of duty, you can find a comprehensive list here, going as far back as 1791. The query on the site allows you to search by state, year and cause of death. The site also includes a detail of the incident and allows visitors to leave reflections. If this is possible for officers, then it should be done for citizens. As a matter of fact, Congress through the Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act of 1994, authorized the Attorney General to keep statistics regarding excessive force by police, but just try finding that anywhere online. There is likely understandable concern that such information might inflame tensions between regular people and police, but such knowledge might instead inspire empathy on both sides and that’s when real healing can begin.

Come again, say what?

So, let me get this straight: There was apparently a HUGE hack of Target’s point of sale systems, nationwide, during a period of about two weeks (November 29-December 16). If you shopped there at that time, your credit/debit card information is at risk. The theft was serious enough that the Secret Service is investigating. So far, Target had this to say:

That’s right, nothing. Something this serious and they’re silent, likely worried about losing money during the Christmas shopping season. Tsk, tsk!

SNL’s Real Problem

Just watched Kerry Washington do a stellar job hosting SNL and was even more impressed by the slick tap dance that execs and writers at the late night staple did skirting around the ‘no black female cast member’ issue. It was smart; by making it into a joke, and better yet, having a black woman help tell it, the problem was suddenly neutralized. It’s like that friend that does wrong, but they’re so apologetic, you can say much or be too mad because it’ll make you look oversensitive. The focus on casting, however, is the red herring meant to shift eyes from the lack of diversity behind the scenes at SNL. Say they hire a black women in the near future, once the cries of tokenism die down, then what? This poor woman will have a tremendous weight on her shoulders: to be outstandingly funny without the material. Sure, talent is the foundation, but good writing is the steel, concrete and brick. Maybe it’s not PC, but I have found white men to be terribly inept at writing non-white characters without dipping into stereotype. And, of course, one dimensional characters are right at home in comedy, but that shouldn’t be the full spectrum, which it tends to be on SNL…unless you’re a white male.