I’m married. Haven’t been for very long, but I’ve realized in that short period of time that happiness or love is one of the worst reasons to marry someone. Don’t get me wrong, my husband provides me with both, but that’s not really why we’re together. If my highest expectation were solely emotional, then our union would be a perpetual roller coaster with every twist and turn dependent upon time, circumstance and my mental health, not an easy foundation to build a life upon.
True compatibility is based on how well we fit the roles in our relationship, not how many hobbies we have in common or our familial or ethnic backgrounds. Marriage fills a need for partnership. For me, that meant someone who was a hard worker, steadfast, creative, good father material, spiritual, honest and a few other things. So when I think about marriage now, versus how I used to, I see it more like a business: I’m looking to pick someone that I can invest with, someone whose skill sets, mission and vision, complement my own. Seeing marriage this way, opened up the dating world for me because my suitor pool wasn’t just filled with candidates who were over 6 ft, with a full head of hair, at least a bachelor’s and making a certain salary.
Now, his looks were the icing, not the cake. Now, it was ok if he was short and not making a whole lot because he was patient, had tremendous respect for me and was amazing with kids; now, it was ok that he wasn’t well educated, but had a great sense of humor, stable career and an empowering vision for himself and his future. Now, marriage could be about the everlasting intangibles instead of the whether or not there’s motion in the ocean.