Category: Food for Thought

Today in ‘Ugh’: UF Graduates Manhandled

So today’s current annoyance is the treatment of students at their graduation at the University of Florida. If you’re unfamiliar, get acquainted.

I used that video first because it was one of the earliest reports I could find of the story, before it got picked up nationally. Contrast it with this one, post virality. Inserted now are suggestions of racial profiling; one of the students is quoted as saying that she found it ‘degrading’ and felt she was being treated like a criminal (!). Another one expressed ‘shock and disappointment’ at being treated this way in 2018. Question: are we talking about being pushed off stage or a plank?

The first story makes it clear it was several students and not just black graduates that were rushed off. It also discusses whether the dancing was unseemly at a graduation ceremony and the inappropriateness of the physical contact between the faculty member and students, but the latter report doesn’t bother to explore any of those topics. Instead it inserts racial undertones to give the story more of an unnecessary, polarizing edge. The first reporter presented two students with slightly opposing opinions while the other gave us lopsided vent sessions. Reporting Red Flag: if your only hearing one side of the story, you’re being patronized. Good reporting makes no assumptions and offers no judgement.

And finally, a logic exercise: is it possible that students strolling or dancing across the stage happened for the first time ever at this ceremony? Probably not. If not, why was the faculty member’s reaction so severe? Protocol? Nope, that ain’t it. So what are his reasons? We don’t know. The people responsible for finding out didn’t tell us, but what would you think if the previous ceremony ran long because of unencumbered celebrations and the staff member was then tasked with making sure that didn’t happen again? Which might explain why no other faculty member intervened when he began to shove students. His method was excessive. Could he have tried speaking to them? I’m curious to see how this plays out, but my guess is that UF is protecting him (by not releasing his name) because part of this was the school’s idea. Better to apologize than accept blame.

Last thought: 20 years ago, a young woman gave a speech at her college graduation…naked. She was not rushed off the stage.

 

The only hole to worry about is the one you’re digging

Where you’re from is not who you are, what you do is.

Yes, there are crappy places on earth to live, but that’s not the point. Whether some of those crappy places include Haiti and El Salvador, countries reportedly named by President Trump in an article from The Washington Post, is also not the point. Assuming that people who come from these countries are also crappy IS the problem. Colonization, corruption, unrest, and natural disasters all play a part in the quality of life within a nation. And none of those factors can be easily controlled by the average citizen. The average citizen simply wants a better life which is what immigration is all about: getting the hell out of s***holes. From the Pilgrims to the ‘poor, huddled masses yearning to breathe free,’ we are descendants of people who mastered the art of spinning straw into gold and this thread is woven into the fabric of the American experience and, most importantly, American success.

It Happens In a Moment

I was talking with someone at church about plans for next week when I tacked on to my statement, as I often do when I’m speaking about the future, “God willing.” Nothing special, but this time I got a little chill. One that I wasn’t able to shake. It occurred to me in that moment that even with the hopeful ‘God willing’ amended to the end of my sentence, there was no agreement on God’s part to honor my request. The feeling stayed with me awhile and forced me to think about what I wanted to say and do if this were my last day or week. The words came quickly; thinking about death made me ashamed to be annoyed by the constant contact of my daughter who loves to plop herself in my lap when we play on the floor or read stories. I’m her recliner, pillow, footrest and squeeze toy. This closeness is temporary, no matter how healthy I am. Why not enjoy it? I thought about my son whose vocabulary has exploded recently. He won’t tell me about his day without incessant prodding, but will scold me because I gave him the wrong lunch on Thursday. After the umpteenth rebuke from a kindergartner, I’m done, eyes rolled heavenward, but why not laugh? Marriage has been a work in progress for my husband and I. On rough days, I reminisce about my single life, studio apartment and freedom..and then I remember how content I was with myself, which is a good thing, but it didn’t help me grow as a person. Marriage has made me take a long hard look at myself in a way that other personal relationships have not. I admit, I’ve become a better person, but why not think of the improvements first when the going gets tough instead of the benefits of singleness? The sickening sensation faded, but the questions didn’t. I want to live a long, healthy life, but I have no guarantee and contemplating meaningfully about death made me focus not on the things that I want to do, but rather on the energy I was placing on my loved ones. Deciding to look with love, feel with love, express love can happen in a moment, just like death.

Harambe Had to Die

I just finished reading the change.org petition entitled ‘Justice For Harambe’ authored by Shelia Hurt. As of this post, it has over 400,000 signatures. And now, the Cincinnati Police Department will (after electing not to at first) investigate the parents and the events leading up to the accident. Seems like a waste of time to me.

The loss of an endangered animal in such a violent way is tragic. I’m sure the decision to kill the gorilla was painful to the staff who cared for him, and from what I can tell, the many fans who are currently mourning his death. But one thing needs to made abundantly clear, due to the circumstances, this animal had to die. Arguments to the contrary suggests that this child’s life was worth the risk. He already spent ten minutes in the enclosure. How much longer would be appropriate? Or what amount of violence from the gorilla would be acceptable? Broken limbs? Bruises? Concussions? With a tranquilizer shot, there’s no way predict the silverback’s reaction. Is that a preferable situation to put a child in? Is that a chance you’d take with your own child?

Another thing that needs to be made abundantly clear: the mother is not negligent. What’s most distasteful about the petition is that it’s a vengeance scheme poorly disguised as concern. The author claims, ‘We the undersigned want the parents to be held accountable for the lack of supervision and negligence that caused Harambe to lose his life. We the undersigned feel the child’s safety is paramount in this situation.‘ If the undersigned are so concerned about the child’s safety, why aren’t they worried about how a preschooler managed to climb through a ‘secure’ enclosure? If it was as barricaded as it should have been, no amount of innocent curiosity could have penetrated it. Parental vigilance doesn’t stand a chance if spaces where children are reasonably expected to be, aren’t designed with certain provisions in place. Even the petition suggested that the only thing preventing the child from a MAJOR security breach was supervision (‘We the undersigned believe that the child would not have been able to enter the enclosure under proper parental supervision.’). I would hope that a zoo with such a high level of prestige and with over a million visitors annually would have higher standards for access to one of its marquee exhibits.

Call it far fetched, but this incident revealed a major issue at this zoo (and maybe others). Had this happened to a litigious family, perhaps this could have been spun to the tune of millions. Either way, the mother is not to blame. The lack of empathy towards her is galling. What parent (especially a mother of 4) can keep both eyes on all children at all times? And even if she did, I doubt she thought he could get in there. Criminalizing her behavior solves nothing. Suggesting this is evidence of neglect in the home is dumb. Hoping that the Cincinnati Police find something wrong, so that this already traumatized child has to suffer through the ordeal of a parent possibly being fined or worst, jailed…now that’s criminal.

Sorry…

Sorry

An apology is an acknowledgement of wrong and hurt. Causing hurt is not in and of itself a wrong thing; truth, constructive criticism can cause hurt, but that’s not necessarily wrong, it’s a natural response to hearing something that is not liked. Apologies are a benefit of relationship. You don’t owe apologies to people you don’t know and don’t care for. Causing physical pain is always the exception, but the rule remains the same. In short, stop asking strangers to care for your feelings! It’s not their job.

Chris Rock kills, but bias lives on

The Oscars were on last Sunday and Chris Rock put on a clinic of how to show grace under fire. Despite calls for a boycott and suggestions that he should step down as host, Rock delivered an edgy, mostly funny opening monologue. Not everything landed (who’s fault was that Stacey Dash bit?), but a lot of it was fly-yes, that pun was very intentional- (‘Jada boycotting the Oscars is like me boycotting Rihanna’s panties – I wasn’t invited’;  black folks ‘were too busy being raped and lynched to care about who won best cinematographer’; the clip featuring Whoopi Goldberg, Leslie Jones and Tracy Morgan inserting themselves into nominated films – great sfx btw!) . At one point, he soften a bit, simply saying that all black actors want is opportunity. It was in that moment, I realized something…that’s not going to happen.

There is something uncomfortable in 2016 about any group of capable, creative people asking peers for a chance. People are designed to protect their own self interests; it’s all about survival, so in an industry where it’s incredibly hard to succeed (white or not), we’re asking those who work the most to give up a piece of the pie? Why would they? They know how lucky they are to work AND they know how quickly it goes (especially if you’re a woman of a certain age), so what motivation do they have to diversify (i.e, increase an already crowded playing field)? And please don’t say fairness because nobody cares about equity when it comes to money unless you’re talking about ownership. And please don’t say justice because Hollywood is not the government or law enforcement (and you can see how well those institutions have done by people of color).

We’re asking for people to change what they do and not what they think and that’s a waste of time. Ok, so you throw a couple of nominations out to black folks. Is that the answer? A bigger problem becomes watered down to something superficial and ultimately, can’t be taken seriously. It’s not about how many black actors get nominated. That’s a worthless discussion if we’re not talking about minority writers, directors, crew, producers or the fact that Asians and Latinos have it worse. We’re asking white people to give us a place at a table where nine times out a ten, we don’t like the food they serve!

Enough with that. While I didn’t agree with Jada Pinkett regarding an Oscars boycott, I do agree with her statement via her Facebook page that ‘we must stand in our power’. It’s not self imposed segregation to create films and shows with our own money; It’s called community: a collection of like minded individuals working toward one goal. So, while the solution isn’t knocking on doors, it’s not kicking them down either. It’s going back to your house, inviting some friends over and getting the job done.

Can Frederick Beat Victoria?

I’m referring to the namesakes of two lingerie companies: Victoria’s Secret and Frederick’s of Hollywood. FOH has struggled to keep up or even stay in the race with industry leader, Victoria’s Secret. See above for the answer. Ashley Graham (left) and Carmen Carrera (right). Depending on how pop culture savvy you are, you might recognize Graham and her highly touted full figure, featured in an ad in Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit edition; Carrera recently made an appearance on VH1’s Couples Therapy, but came to widespread recognition from an online petition that pushed for Victoria’s Secret to make her its first transgender angel. It ultimately failed.

So forget Victoria’s Secret and go for the edgier, more risque brand: Frederick’s of Hollywood. FOH has streamlined its collection in recent years, eliminating trashy clothes and stripper shoes and focusing on the stuff that made them famous. Frederick’s has had some financial problems recently and could use new faces to pump new life (and money) into their brand. Why not feature transgender women, full figured women, more women of color? Be what Victoria’s Secret isn’t and revive the brand as the more inclusive and affordable of the two.

What ‘The Dress’ Taught Me About Racism

As I look back on 2015, I was thinking of one of my favorite subjects: The Dress. Which team were you? I was white and gold and I remember the one day that I magically able to see black and blue. It only happened once, but it made me realized the importance and the power of perception. Much of what we understand about people is based on our perception which is informed by a variety of things (experience, other’s opinions, genetics, etc). How you saw the dress was strictly based on how your brain processed the light in the picture. Perception is as close to involuntary thinking as someone can get. Why someone thinks something is pretty and another finds it repellent or smells something and thinks it refreshing and another thinks it foul is all more of an internal process than an external one. Our very understanding of the world around us is based on how our neurons click.

I remember how confused I was when people said they saw black and blue or blue and gold. I wondered, are we looking at the same picture? Are they serious? But more than that, I was fascinated. This opened my mind up to how people understand race and public discourse on race. Imagine if you only saw black and blue and people called you ignorant or racist every time you said this. You probably wouldn’t say it much publicly and you might also seek others who see black/blue like you. What if only people who saw white/gold were able to talk about the dress as freely as desired? How much would you really invest in the conversation?

This is simplistic, I know. It also might come across as a defense of racists, but it’s not. This is really an indictment of how we deal with discussions of race. We have to accept that everyone’s perception is very real to them and what they see and feel cannot be ‘logicized’ away; just like we can’t suddenly see white/gold, if all this time we’ve been seeing black /blue.

Everyone’s voice has a place in the conversation. The definition of racism which only allows for white people to be called racist creates an unpleasant dichotomy; same behavior, different treatment because prejudiced just isn’t as serious a condemnation as racist. When people feel like their behavior is held up to greater scrutiny than others, they disconnect and you can’t expect them to participate in productive dialogue.

The goal isn’t to get rid of people’s perceptions or change them, that’s not the world’s responsibility. The objective is to get people to expand their horizons and realize that there’s more to understanding than what we see.